600 page views!!

I feel like this should be accompanied by a fanfare!

I know that compared to some that it's just a drop in the ocean but I am still rather new to all this and so the fact that my writing has been looked at that many times is amazing 

Thank you for stopping by, it means alot

xxx

Avoiding my homework

OK so last week was so extraordinary busy so I had an excuse for not doing my writing homework, hmmn this week I don't think it's going to wash. 

This is ridiculous, this is was I want to do for gods sake but somehow I seem to find my 'free time' retyping notes & reading blogs. Thinking of Ben Elton's stand up about avoiding homework & watching Songs of Praise, have now spent 10 minutes looking for a clip of that to post on here (can't find it!)

Had better stop procrastinating & get on with it.

Christmas all wrapped up...

I think I'm done, I think I'm done - tra la la la la!  Frantic additional present for MR DOMADQ purchased this morning is all I need to wrap now.  I can now relax or start my homework for my writing group (I have the fear I may revert to doing it the night before it's due in!)

Food all purchased.  No more jostling with the crowds.  I AM DONE.

Now all I need to do is remember to get the turkey out of the freezer to defrost...

Christmas Blog Swap Goodies

I received my blog swap parcel (arranged through the lovely Lakota at Faith Hope & Charity Shopping)  from the equally lovely Little Dotty Bird earlier this week and felt like a child on Christmas morning.  What gorgeous gorgeous things she had sent for me.  Packaged with it's very own snow & surrounded by glitzy baubles and chocolate santas (which I had to fight girls 1 & 2 for).

Look what I got! 

goodies just for me

A note book to carry with me for writing ideas, birdhouse hair clip holder (no more frantic searching on a Monday morning whilst trying to round up 2 girls)

 glitzy bird tree ornament, gorgeous hearts, a little piece of the beach for me (bag of shells) 

I can daydream of the seaside

AND a wonderful sock monkey book for inspiration.

These have definitely inspired me to make some friends for these fellas

(I did mention I had a sock monkey obsession)

Along with all these was a personalised card adorned with RPatz which made me guffaw. 

(I am like a superhero, I have to keep my identity secret ;)

Thank you thank you Dotty for such thoughtful presents.  It's amazing to think that I until a few weeks ago we hadn't 'met' and yet you've chosen so well.  I really enjoyed this swap, piecing together what kind of things to get & parcelling it all up (& not to mention receiving this one!), I'll definitely do it again. xxx

I think therefore I write...

I joined a writing group yesterday and am so glad I did. 

I'll let you in on a little secret, I want to write, you know, properly for a job and everything.  But I find it hard to find the words (which if you know me will know how ironic that is being that I rarely stop talking). I doubt I have anything of worth to say. 

So yesterday, in my favourite coffee shop I sat with my teacher/mentor/new friend? and began.  It being a new group I was the only member (thus far) but that was good because I am still pretty shy about writing and reading my words aloud, along with critiquing others work.

I was really nervous before it started but there, sat sipping gingerbread lattes we began.  And I wrote!  I wrote several things on demand, for 10 minutes at a time.  And although I am not entirely sure if what I did write was any good really I have a glimmer of hope that my pipe dream could in fact become a reality..

School fayre

Christmas fayre at girls 1 & 2's school today.  I feel I deserve a T shirt with 'I Survived the School Christmas Fayre' on it (instead I have a rather fetching tomato red one with the Friends of..... logo on it for the PTA).  Ah, the PTA, it seemed such a good idea when I volunteered to join but the politics of it is incredible and makes me feel like I'm back at school myself (rather then being a 38 year old woman), but that in itself is a whole other post.

I spend several hours lugging boxes / setting up this morning.  Then 3 mad hours manning a game involving buttons and accidently breaking a bottle of wine intended as a grown up prize - embarrassed moi? (my face was a red as my T-shirt).  Then another hour lugging boxes and tidying. 

I am now fit for nothing but a glass of wine and mind rotting TV.  (ah and Mr DOMADQ is out tonight so I will get to do just that without 'Urgh, we're NOT watching THIS are we?!').

X Factor here I come.

Speeling nistakes

OMG just been looking back at previous posts - how many spelling mistakes?!  Have been frantically correcting them.

Note to self: proof read before publishing

x

STARBUCKS CHRISTMAS

Squee!

STARBUCKS CHRISTMAS

Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my Dad's birthday. He died of a heart attack in 1998. He would have been 69 today. 

He was a kind, generous, gregarious man who could also be infuriating at times. 

I miss him so much but I can see him whenever I look in the mirror, I really look like him.  When he first died it was hard to look in a mirror.

I also see glimpses of him in his 6 grandchildren (which unfortunately he didn't get to meet).

Happy Birthday Daddy.  I miss you.

Hello, is there anybody out there....?

Wow, 299 views of my blog to date (that can't just be me looking at it) not bad since I a) only have 2 followers and b) am a bit too shy to tell my friends where I have hidden this away!  

So I am trying to be brave and have gradually started telling people that I am writing, am just a little scardy of it, you know, being out there (so no posts on Facebook about it yet).

So whoever is reading this, hello and welcome.  You never know the more people follow the braver I may become...

Starter for 10

Quiz night at the school tonight.  Am not expecting to win (my secret weapon - friend who was once on 'Eggheads' is unavailable) but it's a night out with friends so should be fun.  Mr DOMADQ is even coming too on a rare night out together - hoorah.

Reminds me that we met at a pub quiz when I was at university, being a friend of friends he was on our team.  Despite all his declaring 'I know this one, I know this one!' he knew none of the answers but was very endearing and flirty.  The only thing I won that night was a future husband but it was highly amusing skipping out of the bar with a new boy in tow.

Am not convinced that we'll be winning any prizes tonight but I do have a bottle of wine chilling to take with us (should I be concerned that so many of my posts involve wine?) and  fish & chips for dinner means no cooking tonight so for me it's a win win.  And I get to take my boy home with me again...

The Forbidden Fruit Tastes the Sweetest

Mr DOMADQ is out tonight & I am planning a quiet night in.  Wanting to avoid 'Children in Need' (a really really great cause but really don't think I'd be able to withstand the cringe factor of watching the cast from Eastenders singing a Queen medley), I have other plans.  There is an open bottle of wine in the fridge & a very good friend of mine has leant me the 2nd Twilight film, 'New Moon' and it will be all mine to watch once 2 x small girls are in bed.  A complete guilty pleasure.  

RPattz is very easy on the eye & although I am old enough to be his *cough* older sister, I may allow myself a swoon or two.

I have only read / watched the 1st film in the 'Saga' and despite being incredibly flawed I can see the appeal to young girls and middle aged women alike.  My sister surmised that girls yearn for what they are yet to experience and woman are yearning for what they will never have again, first love.

Tosh it may yet turn out to be, but I cannot wait. 

grumpy mama

I wonder what my children will remember about me when they are older.  Will it be the stories I read, songs I have sung, games we have played or cakes we have baked together....or will it be when I have to get the shouty voice out  in the mornings attempting to get them to school on time, when I bellow at them to go to bed or the stand up arguments about doing homework?

In a perfect world I would always be there to listen, to play, would want to hear about Moshi Monsters in minute detail.  I would WANT to read all of the Rainbow Fairy books, want to sing the same songs over and over and over again.  There would be no shouting and more listening.

But I'm tired and it's hard work isn't it, life.  Tomorrow I will be better.

The A - Z of me

(Ok so I stole this idea from Faith, Hope & Charity Shopping but thought it might help Little Dotty Bird with the Xmas Swap...)

A-Age:

38 (gulp) but in my head I'm about 23

B-Bed size:

Super King Size (she boasts)

C-Chore that you hate:

I hate ALL chores.  If being a housewife was my actual paid job I would be sacked, I am dreadful.  I particularly hate ironing.

D-Dogs:

They're OK, but I can get a bit nervous if they bark alot (I was bitten in the mouth when I was about 10 so I guess that's understandable).  I am more of a cat person really.

E-Essential start to your day: 

Shower followed by coffee.  I cannot function without caffeine.

F-Favourite Colour:

Blue, most shades of.  The general consensus is that kind of greeny blue colour is 'my colour'

G-Gold or silver:

Silver, with a doubt.  I love rings, big chunky rings.  I'm not a dainty jewellery kind of girl

H-Height:

5'4" ish

I-Instruments you play:

I started piano lessons when I was about 7 but stopped before taking any exams.  Played the recorder at school, does that count?

J-Job title:

Full time mum, part time book keeper, freelance Production Manager (for TV) - not that I do that much these days as unfortunately TV is not very family friendly, Transcriber (for TV).  Anything that really fits in around the children really.

K-Kids:

2 girls aged 6 (very nearly 7) and 3 (nearly 4)

L-Live:

S E London but dream of living at the sea side one day.

M-Mother's name:

Sue.

N- Nickname

Honeybunch, Han, Hanbean (don't ask), Wellie (from my maiden name), Tits (you don't need to ask).

O-Overnight hospital stays:

Once when I was 5 to have cyst removed from my foot (it turned out to be a veruca and got a Tiny Tears for being a brave girl).  Several overnight stays after having a C Section with girl 1 and maybe 2 nights after girl 2 as I was horribly anemic)

P-Pet peeves:

Many of these.  People that drop rubbish.  People who brake for no reason.  People who stop dead in front of you on the pavement (used to get serious pedestrian rage when I had to commute up to London). People that whistle aimlessly (ie no tune in particular).  Cashiers in shops or banks who chat too much & hold up the queue (don't they know I have a tiny window to get these things done?!).  Sales people who phone up and launch into a spiel without introducing themselves first.  In fact any cold caller on the phone or at the front door (why do they always knock when it's children's meal /bath/bed/story time?)  and probably many many more things - sorry grumpy old woman)

Q-Quote from a film:

'You're so money and you don't even know it'  Swingers

'What about Prom, Blaine?' Pretty in Pink

'How dare you call me inhumane!' Withnail & I

'I carried a watermelon?' Dirty Dancing (guilty pleasure)

R-Right or left handed:

Right handed

S-Siblings:

Two sisters.  My older sister is 5 & a half years older.  She works in TV & has 3 children (2 girls and a boy).  My twin sister is the same age as me (!) and has a girl. 

I say my twin sister is the same age as me as my mother has been known to introduce me to people as her middle child!  During a conversation with her about middle child syndrome she honest to god said to me 'I never had any of those problems with you'...THAT'S BECAUSE I AM THE JOINT YOUNGEST!!

T-Time you wake up:

Usually about 6.30am (whenever the small girl alarm goes off really)

U-Underwear:

Being 'overly blessed' it's underwired all the way. 

V-Vegetable you hate:

I'm not sure about this as I really like vegetables.  I don't really like cooked celery but like it raw (particularly as someone once told me you burn more calories eating it than are in it!) and I have to be the right mood to eat tomato (but that's a fruit anyway)

W-What makes you run late:

Small children & trying to do too much.  If I have 20 minutes to be somewhere I will be on time.  Give me an hour and 20 and I will ALWAYS be late as I'll probably try & squeeze in putting another wash on.

X-X rays you've had:

Little finger on my left hand which I broke when I was about 7 (hair line fracture) I remember having it strapped up & trying to do my piano lesson. 

Thumb on my left hand which I shut in a door at my 18th birthday party (didn't break it but it absolutely killed). 

My teeth at the dentist?  Does that count?

Y-Yummy food that you make
Roast Lamb with sweet spices (my Dad's recipe, it's gorgeous)

Chicken pesto nuggets which adults & children both loves

I love baking so many many sweet things, melt in the middle truflfes which I will probably make again for Christmas. 

Sweet Onion Jam, another Christmas make. 

Chocolate & Banana loaf, new recipe & recent obsession.

Z-Zoo animal:

Elephants.  I love them.  I used to collect them (not real ones obviously) when I was younger and I still fascinated by them.  I think they are beautiful.

You're my obsession....

I was chatting with my mother yesterday who declared, that me & my sister B both 'have quite obsessive personalities'. 

OBJECTION! 

I can see it in my sister who has just purchased a 3rd outfit from ebay for a wedding at the weekend and is fixated by the Slimming World diet, just 2 of her current obsessions.  When we were younger she became fixated on the whole MADchester scene & would be 'listen to this, listen to this' all the time.  Me, being a whole hearted irritated by it all declared I hated it & wouldn't listen (despite secretly quite liking The Happy Mondays).

I'm NOTHING like that I argued (whilst sorting through my sewing bag), and happened upon the 13 odd sock monkeys I sewed earlier this year - erm....I should probably try & sell these or something, several half sewn ones and about another 15 pairs of socks...In my defence, I argued I did sell some of these & I was trying to generate some income from them, at one point I looked into setting up a website to sell them.  See, I had good reason to spend any spare moment with socks & needle and thread in hand...

And then I came across my button collection....ah, I said maybe you have a point

Is it too early for wine?

Mr DOMADQ is away.  ALL WEEKEND.  I have spent  the last couple of days 'dealing' with nits, juggling 2 small girls, diffusing tantrums, rushing around trying to making arrangements for Mr D's looming birthday celebrations, buying presents, wrangle children in shopping centres, encouraging small girls to paint a lovely canvas for Daddy, making pizza dough, assuring my smallest girl that indeed she will get to 'decorate' the pizza as soon as the dough is proved.  Nothing unusual really, just without the grown up chatting really.

Still pizza decorating, cooking & eating to be done, along with bath time and bed  before I can even think about that bottle of wine in the fridge & brain rotting X Factor.  Tunnel vision till then.

I think I luv you

I have an ex boyfriend who used to sign off any notes/birthday cards / postcards with Luv *** (yes I'll save his blushes), our relationship predates text messages, well for me anyway.  He took great pains not to ever tell mention the other L word, so I conclude that his feelings didn't run that deep.  In hindsight it makes me laugh out loud about his use of such appalling spelling but I genuinely think he was scared it that it might have been of construed as some kind of contract...

'But you can't break up with me, you wrote you LOVED me!!'

truly middle aged

Today is my 38th birthday.  I have to face facts, I can no longer say I am 'mid thirties' (to be fair I have been stretching that one for a year or two).  On paper I guess I am quite old now.  But in my head I am still about 22. 

Was is Oscar Wilde who said 'Youth is wasted on the young'?  Too true.  I would love the opportunity to go out all night dancing on tables, but I guess it will have to wait now till the children leave home...having just done the maths that would put me in my 50s (!)

the art of a heartbreak mix tape

I heard Christina Perri's 'Jar of Hearts' the other night on my way home from Tescos and was taken by the line 'you're going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul' which sprang out from the dirge...

So I google it & I watched the video

so marvellously melodramtic with a heart broken Christina watching a dementor of an ex boyf sucking the hearts out of various generic girls with a kiss, which is pretty awful in itself and then they start doing the expressive dance section of the promo - I nearly wet myself.


It reminded me of teenage angst and lost loves.  Many a times I've compiled a mix tape to convey my sorrow & then played it over and over to torture myself further.  Mr DOAMADQ had no idea what I was talking about when I said 'you know, when you listen to music to make youself cry...' No?  Just me then...

Top of my last tear stained tape was the Cranberries take your pick from No Need to Argue or Linger, Sinaead O'Connor's Nothing Compares , what ever was 'our' song would definately have featured too...

If I had to compile a weapy 'playlist' (how modern) today what would I put on it? Hmmn, am not sure if Christina Perri would make it.  However, Adele's  'Someone Like You' would would have to be there.  Such a beautifuly haunting song it makes me cry with empathy almost every time I listen to it. 

Now pass me some tissues & where are my jazz shoes? I feel some expressive dance moves coming on...

breakdown in communication

My beautiful new(ish) phone is broken.

Obviously I have no insurance for it so there is no new phone for free :(

I want to cry.  I did this, I am an idiot.  Rationally I know it’s just a thing but it is my thing & in my world there aren’t that many of those really these days.

Mr DOMADQ has quite rightly pointed out I still have my old phone so all is not lost but (and I feel like I am adopting a teenage whinge) Facebook isn’t working on it and neither is the internet.  Obviously neither are life threatening ailments but still…..*sticks out bottom lip*

Being my hero Mr D has just rushed off into town to try & buy me a new one.  He says he’s not cross with me (but I would be), I do know he wishes I could ‘just make do with what I have at the moment’ and I’m not really certain why I can’t because that would definitely be the sensible thing to do.  But am not feeling sensible, am feeling like  a teenage 37 year old and I am sulking.

Your name was DEBORAH....

I went to see Pulp at Hyde Park last week and came to the following conclusions:


1.  They are still amazing live. 


2. Even though Jarvis now has a beard I still would.


3.  I definately do not like crowds (this was compounded by 2 dickheads behind me who I seriously contemplated whether I would be able to 'have them' if need be - on reflection I still maintain I would)


4.  Bar Italia is my all time favourite Pulp song (but would have loved to have heard Lipgloss)


5. Despite feeling 22 again whilst moshing in the crowd I definately am not any more (and then felt 102 on Monday morning)

looking for happiness in the fridge

I know that it’s not behind the jam or at the back of the top shelf icing up because it’s touching the back.  I know this and still I seem to look for it in there.  Cheese doesn’t make me happy nor ham or even the chocolate shoved in the back of the shelf in the door.  Eat and eat and the hole isn’t filled it just seems to open a black hole where my happiness should sit.

Food will not pay the bills, stop the children from squabbling, calm my husband down, tidy the house, do my work or even make me happy and yet I turn to it again and again.

I wish I could go cold turkey but  you can’t just  stop eating.  I have to eat for fuel but it’s the eating for other reasons that gets me into trouble.

I am trying.  I am. It’s just sometimes I can’t do it and it’s how I cope with stress, boredom, anxiety, sadness.  This is something I have done for years.  I am scared.  I don’t know how to stop and if I do stop what will be left?  Just me and that scares me too.

The List

My List

James McAvoy (gorgeous & Scottish - always a bonus)

Robbie Williams

Jarvis Cocker circa 1993 (so beautiful in the Babies video)

Daniel Craig (hmmn, a ginger, who’d have thought it?)

David Tennant (pre Dr Who)

Robert Downey Jr

Mr DOMADQ's List

Sigourney Weaver at the end of Alien in the vest

Melanie Griffiths in Working Girl

Kelly Brook (if his response to her photo in the paper at the weekend is anything to go by – so predictable)

Nancy Allen

Pippa Middleton (her bottom is being mentioned a lot these days)

a reunion

Me, Mr DOMADQ & our 2 small girls have been invited to a mini reunion with some university friends of mine.  A weekend by the sea, how marvellous I hear you cry.  Yes, I cannot wait to meet up with the old crowd it will be lots of fun.  The only fly in the ointment being that this crowd are all friends of my ex boyfriend, and yes, he will be going too.  I now feel out of place, do I really belong there?  Am I an imposter in their group? I wasn't even in their year...


I have not seen this man for about 14 years.  This relationship did not end well, I had my heart well and truely broken & did not really recover until I met Mr DOMADQ.  He is the ghost of boyfriends past.


I have no doubt that it will be cordial but I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach at the thought of it now I know he is going.


I have 2 months to lose 6 stone - that is never going to happen.  I so want him to see me happy & sorted (when he last saw me I was a bit of a mess).  I want to look fabulous and I want him to feel sorry.  I don't want him to want me, I want him to be sorry.  I want him to say sorry.  Sorry for the way he dumped me, sorry that he then spent a summer picking me up & dropping me over and over and over because he knew I wouldn't say no.  Sorry for being such a shit that when I called to tell him that my Dad had died that he then tried to get me to go out for a drink with him (despite he being married to his 1st wife then and my having a boyfriend)...


I think I feel so uneasy because despite being married for 9 years, the scars of a stupid 6 month relationship are still in there somewhere. He will never be my friend because friends don't hurt each other like that.  So maybe he is the imposter among my friends.