Thursday, 24 January 2013

Rolling in the Deep

I heard this on the radio the other morning and it reminded me how much I love it.  I know this album has been flogged to death on radio playlists but that's hardly Adele's fault.

Someone Like You can still make me cry. Rolling in the Deep was the first single from 21 and I remember the 'yay she's back' feeling when I first heard it.

I remember Mr D asking me what this song was about and I couldn't believe he couldn't tell just by listening.  It is so obvious about a boyfriend who sold a story about her.

There's a fire starting in my heart  

Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark  

Finally I can see you crystal clear

Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare

See how I'll leave, with every piece of you  

Don't underestimate the things that I will do

There's a fire starting in my heart

Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark 

It's such a gorgeous depiction of a woman scorned

'You're gonna wish you never had met me...''Tears are gonna fall'

Unless you live in a cave you everyone knows that this album was written by Adele about an ex boyfriend and I guess the album shows the many emotions experienced during heartbreak.  You are sad & desperate and then extremely pissed off.  This song is about the moment when you stop wishing you were dead and start wishing they were.

I love Adele. I love her attitude, that she doesn't put on airs & graces.  Loved her speech at the Golden Globes last week where she said her & her friend were new mums and just gone for a night out. 

I want to be her friend, I think we'd get on.

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

waiting for news

My mum has her appointment with the consultant today and will be getting the results of her biopsies. She insisted going on her own, despite protestations from my sisters & me, she wanted to go alone she said she is better dealing with things on her own.  The appointment was at 3pm and still no word.  I guess no news is...not good news but, no news. 

I can't stand the waiting.  I am not a very patient person, I get this from my mother.  I remember being out shopping with her, she pressed the button for the lift and when it didn't arrive immediately she exclaimed 'Oh for gods sake!' (it had been approximately 10 seconds)

The waiting is killing me.  I cannot concentrate on anything today.  Luckily or maybe not so luckily today is my day off & the writing group I should have been at this morning I couldn't go to as my biggest girl is off sick (running hot, headache, your standard cold really - as an aside I can't believe I let her have a day off with a cold, I literally had to be half dead to get a day of sick when I was younger.  My mum would feel my head, and state without even looking at me 'You're not running a temperature'.  This has stayed with me as even as an adult I would feel like death warmed up but would be saying to my colleagues 'Am I hot?  Am I running a temperature?' needing a 'grown up' to tell me to go home if I were ill.)

Over the past week I have desperately tried to avoid crossing any bridges (a favourite occupation of my mum & sister's).  We must not get ahead of ourselves has been my mantra.  My mum has been really worrying about whether she will lose her hair - her worst nightmare - but, as I keep saying we don't know what we're dealing with yet.  She didn't need chemotherapy last time, she may not need it now. 

Talking to a friend earlier I was trying to explain how I feel about it all.  The not knowing is the worst bit.  I know that when we know what we're dealing with we can get on with it.  We can make practical plans and put things into action.  That is the eye of the storm.  The waiting beforehand and the fallout afterwards are far worse as you are dreading the worst & when you fall apart a bit as you realise what you've just been through.  But somewhere in the middle when you're just getting on with things is calmer.  At the moment I know the storm is coming I just don't know when it is going to hit

Friday, 18 January 2013

Tonight we're not young

After writing last week about reliving my youth I was just watched the video for 'We are Young' again. I love the song but hate the fact that the first half of the promo is like a phone ad though.  I can't help staring at the lead singer's mouth. I do love a man in a DJ.  Hmmnnn...

Sorry, where was I?  

Ah yes I found this on YouTube.  Being that last weekend I drove Mr D crazy singing this song and by Sunday in my jaded state I had changed it to 'We Aren't Young' it made me laugh.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Trying to practice what I preach

3 years ago my mum called me when I was at a playgroup with my youngest girl to tell me that on her routine mammogram they had found some abnormalities.  It seemed to come completely out of the blue.  Yes there was a history of breast cancer in the family and yes she has yearly screening but this blindsided me.  

I had a moment like Roy Schneider on the beach in Jaws where my world fell away from me.  A lovely lovely lady from the church running the playgroup who I didn't know came up to me and put her arm around me and talked.  Believe it or not I find it incredibly hard to talk about my feelings but this lady really helped me at a desperate time.  

She had to have a biopsy & we found out for definite that it was cancer on Christmas Eve that year (which seemed the cruelest thing of all) and mum had her op in early January.  Followed by radium treatment and medication.  So far so good.  All found and dealt with in a straightforward way.  

But this afternoon Mum called again.  She had her 6th monthly mammogram today and they've found a lump.  She has to go and have a scan tomorrow to try & work out what it is.  I've been knocked for six again.  I never do see these things coming do I? 

I'm trying so hard not to worry.  To cross that bridge when I get to it.  To not stress until I know there is something to stress about but I am finding it so hard tonight.  

Please let this be OK.  Please let her be all right.

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Reliving my youth

Later this afternoon me, Mr D & our offspring are going to visit some friends.  It's been ages even though they're only just over an hour away life just gets in the way.

I went to university with this couple (& so this year I have known them for 20 years- yikes).  Along with another couple from uni we formed a group of 6 who hung out a lot in our 20s & early 30s. My friend's brother once remarked that we were like Friends (albeit hanging out in the pub not a coffee shop).  

Good friends who know each other inside out.  I know that if I ever need them they would be there for me.  We have a whole wealth of shared experiences pre & post marriage & children, a short hand with each other.  We know where each other are coming from. We are comfortable and can take the piss out of each other (& have the piss taken) without offense being meant or taken.  

Anyway, tonight the 6 of us are getting together for the first time in forever, drinking, having dinner (probably very late as our hostess is the most fantastic cook but the worst time keeper) & having a laugh.  Tonight we will be transported back to a time where we were care & responsibility free.  

Tonight we will be young.


Monday, 7 January 2013

Mysterious CD

Before Christmas I got a car.  The first ever car of my very own, a 12 year old Ford Focus which may be a little tired & the electric window may not currently be working on the driver's side (my husband swears it was working at time of purchase).  It also now sports a bit of a scuff to the bumper since a run in with a wall at my mum's house last week (but lets skirt over that shall we) Despite all those things I love love it.  I cannot believe it has taken until my 39th year for me to own a car. 

The glove box is now full of cds, because, oh yes it has a cd player (the current family car does not).  It also has speakers in the back  & so my children keep asking me to 'turn it down!'.  We travel everywhere with a soundtrack.  Florence + The Machine has featured heavily and last week I started to educate my girls with the early works of Madonna.

After we purchased my car I found a CD in the glove box labelled 'Housework CD'.  This made me smile, partly because I avoid housework like the plague and also it's a little bit of the previous owner has been passed on to me.

Today on the way home from work I stuck it in the cd player to have a little listen. I was a little excited if I must admit (I know I should get out more), just wondering what delights might be on it. 

Well it's a mixture, I thought.  The Bangles, Ronan Keating, Wings and ah, The Foundations, one of my favourite songs ever (although I was never entirely sure who sang it, until now)

and Blondie's Sunday Girl which will always have a little corner in my heart

But who was this woman who loves Blondie & Ronan Keating, Hot Chocolate & The Bangles.  I was day dreaming of a woman house proud but a bit put upon hence the inclusion of I Want to Break Free & I Will Survive....and then I realised it has written on it CD 1.  Perhaps she made a series of compilations for household chores?  Tunes to Change the Bed To, Ditties for Scrubbing the Bathroom?

But alas no, just a quick search on Amazon & I found this

not only that but there is a plethora of other housework music cds.  
Now my imaginary housewife isn't trying to express herself through a handpicked selection of tunes, no it was probably just a crap Mother's Day present.

Was thinking just now whether buying one of these CDs would make me more inclined to hoover? (actually I have hoovered, twice this week)...

Nah, not really.  I am off to buy that Foundations track now though.