Wednesday, 5 June 2013

All my best stories start with I hadn't had much for tea & then I started drinking....

If you are my mother you might not want to read the following...

So hello, I've been a bit slack of late with my blogging as real life or RL keeps getting in the way (can you tell I've been reading fan fiction recently - a post about which is brewing....).  My writing group has kind of petered out of late which I was sad about, I'm missing that outlet.  But today I had lunch & a catch up with my writing mentor/teacher/friend.  We were chatting & I mentioned I'd made loads of notes recently for my blog based on the Listography exercise we had done which started all my Claims to Fame posts  but not written stuff up. So when I got home I had a flick through my notes & found this..

So the idea of the list was drunken moments but I realised that all my best stories begin with 'I hadn't had much for tea (& then I started drinking)...' so I compiled a top ten (in no particular order).
1) ... I went to a party at my ex boyfriends house.  I drank a litre of wine in about 20 minutes (he was ignoring me/I was bored/ I was REALLY thirsty).  Feeling slightly unwell he escorted me to the bathroom whereby I turned away from the toilet at a crucial moment & vomited on him (classy eh?).  And I wondered why it didn't last?

2)...I had a few drinks and ended up dancing on a table at a wedding in a very short dress.  (A dress that my mother deemed OK as long as I didn't raise me arms above me head.  Cue me on table dancing arms above head.)

3)...I got drunk at my leaving drinks from a job, my then boyfriend (Now Mr D) took me for food to try & sober me up.  I fell asleep in Pizza Hut, head on table so we had to take the pizza to go.  When I woke up the next day I found the pizza on the kitchen table & asked my bf why he hadn't given it to a homeless person.  Apparently I had actively stopped him from doing that.

4) ...On my way home tipsy from '1 drink' after work (no such thing), I hiccuped & puked down myself.  I immediately sobered up & agreed with everyone around me who were giving me 'you're disgusting' looks.

5) ...when I woke up the morning after a party in a room full of people wearing only my pants & a sheet. (luckily innocent explanation for this)

6) ...had the same conversation with a friend at a party 3 times word for word.  By the end he was finishing my sentences & I thought he was psychic.

7) ...I conceived a 2nd child. (that was a good holiday)

8) ....I was seen drooling against a cab window by a work colleague.  A very handsome work colleague.

9) ....I kissed a (girl) friend as a dare.  Hilarious photographic evidence discovered recently whilst going through a box of old photos.  You can see we are cracking up, the funny thing is the male friend who is gazing on intently

10) ...I kissed a gay man.  I had no idea he was gay.  I was introduced to him several weeks later & I pointed out we had 'met' before he said "Oh, so you're the one!"

I am in no way advocating this sort of behaviour, I was very lucky that nothing really untoward happened to me, but I think it's quite common to go through a faze like this when you're younger & exploring your limits.  Of course I don't do that kind of thing these days* I am a grown up.

However, I will ensure that my children never hear about these stories & if anyone tried to tell them I will deny all knowledge. 

What are your best stories?

* well very rarely

** Mum I told you not to read this!**

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