Thursday, 25 September 2014

New Girl

Well it's been a while hasn't it? Life has been moving at break neck speed. 

Lots to write about but the main headlines are:

I am officially middle aged as I have just celebrated my 41st birthday.  Obviously most of my 40 before I'm 40 list are languishing discarded.I did have a party, I had a blast.

I have moved house.  In January we decided enough was enough with this divided family routine and so bought a house & we relocated in the summer.  Yes me, towny southern girl, moved away from the bustle to a small market town in the midlands. There isn't even a station here.  The buses run hourly.  There is a weekly market which consists of about 8 stalls.  Its nice.  Its different.  Its not London. Thats not a criticism and yet it is.  The bustle is programmed into my very being and so it is quite a readjustment.  Girls 1 & 2 seem to be settling in quite quickly but me, what do I do? 

There aren't many times as a grown up where you consciously make new friends, you tend to pick them up along the way; at university, at different jobs, doing hobbies and activities.  The last time I consciously made new friends was when my eldest daughter was born and we were all bound together with the shared fear and unknown of having a first child.   I am now in a position where I know no one.  Not a soul, other than my husband and to be honest the playground can be a really lonely place without having someone to simply smile hello to.  And its not as if people are unfriendly, its maybe that lives are just busy or having lived round here all their lives they have no empathy for someone who knows no one.

Mr D is fairly self sufficient, he moved around so much as a child he thinks he doesn't need people, he has friends, old friends but doesn't really deem friends necessary.  But no man is an island, especially not me, I need people.  Life is too lonely without someone to talk to.  

After having a particularly shitty school run the other week, where no one even made eye contact with me, I'd had enough.  My mum phoned and I burst into tears. "I thought this would happen at some point" she said.  Fed up of being told 'It'll take time' I decided to do something about it and arranged to join a group which was meeting the next night.  I don't know if I changed or what but the next morning we ran into a child from Girl 2s class who lives round the corner.  His mum is lovely, we walked to and from school, she introduced me to people.  I went to the group that night and meet women, several of whom have recently moved here.  One in particular swapped numbers with me and we arranged to meet for coffee. 

Its weird isnt it at the start of a friendship, almost like a courtship, how long do you leave it before texting or friend requesting? don't want to seem too desperate, don't want to seen aloof Early stages you dont want to scare them off with neediness or misjudged humour.  Trying to play it cool but wanting to cling on shouting "A friend, a friend, I've made a friend!". 

But low and behold I think I may have the beginnings of friendship. A spark that needs to be nurtured with coffee and cake and shared experience. She has recently moved into the area and despite being on talking terms with many feels alone in the crowd.  I have someone to say hello to. 

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