Teetering on the edge of my 30s

Come tomorrow I'll be entering my final year of my 30's.  Yep the big FOUR 0 is looming on the horizon.  I know, I know it's only a number but bugger me I'm feeling kind of old.  Where the bloomin heck did my 30's go I wonder? 

Thinking about it I suppose the majority of them fell into the black hole that is parenthood...

I loved turning 30, I felt like my confidence grew.  Once I was 30 I didn't mind sitting alone in a cafe, no longer 'Billy No Mates' just someone enjoying some time alone (I enjoy it even more now I have children, it's such a luxury to sit in peace drinking coffee whilst it's still hot!).  I wonder what the next decade will bring?

But 40 sounds so grown up and I'm just not ready to be a grown up yet. I want to go out dancing, drink, laugh loudly. I want to stay out till late and act my shoe size not my age. I want to please myself and feel free. At least until morning.

I have to make this year count.

Makeover

What do you think of my new look blog? (I'd had it with those dandilions)

Zats me in the corner

I heard REM on the radio earlier, it took me straight back to a in holiday in Spain with my friends when I was 17.  Time machine music had me back in the club Azul watching a local guy singing along at the top of his voice, not understanding the words he was singing.  I can never hear it without singing along in my head 'Zats me in the corner, zats me in the spot light...'

Ordering beer with the only Spanish I knew (Dos Heineken pour favor) and dancing, really dancing.  Realising that you could see my white bra through my black top (classy eh?) under the ultraviolet light & dying of embarrassment.

Happy days.  I love this song, it makes me smile.

Doubt.

At present in my writing group we are doing a block on life writing.  This is fairly enjoyable, although can be hard as you're digging deep and last week it was like therapy.  I ended up in tears in the middle of my favourite cafe revealing quite personal thoughts and feelings.  I suppose it can only be good.  Things have to come out. It's just so strange talking about who my readers might be and what style to write it in.  It's just me.  My life.  My shit. Am beginning to doubt that anyone would want to read my stuff. 
Pushing negativity aside, the concept of anyone reading what I have to say is fairly alien to me.  But then again the stats on this blog suggest it's been viewed well over 4000 times (& that definitely isn't just me), so I guess someone is interested in what I have to say.
Just need to stop doubting myself and just write.  

And so I'm back....

 from outta...er Scotland.  And life has been getting in the way of my blogging which is a bit annoying, but what with school holidays, work and husband at home hogging the laptop putting things on Ebay trying to get rid of a lot of tat we have in the house.  I am not the tidiest person in the world but my word that man is such a horder!  Keep thinking we'll end up in a documentary on Channel 5 having to squeeze through corridors made from boxes (in actually fact our 3rd bedroom is like that already).  We're going to do a bootsale next week.  Wish me luck.

So first things first I am happy to announce that the winner  of my blogiversary giveaway is the lovely Lakota from Faith Hope & Charity Shopping.
Well done you, the parcel will be winging it's way to you as soon as I can get organised.

So how are you?  I'm good, these holidays have gone quick haven't they?  We spent 2 weeks away at my in laws including several nights camping - more on that another time) at the start and the rest of the time has flown by in a whirr.  I have loads to write about but after a manic week at work my brain is fried and so will have to write later.  But I will say I have had an interesting few weeks.  I've met some amazing people who have inspired me in my writing and my life really.  I've started writing my book. (eek) Which at the moment is more life writing than anything but I think it's going to do me some good.