The other week I saw an article in the Sunday Times about '40'. I turn 40 in September so this definitely interested me.
With the big 4 Oh looming on the horizon (a mere 6 months away) I thought I should set myself some goals. 40 is kind of grown up so what grown up things should I be attempting in the next few months.
1. Go & see This is 40 (OK start with an easy one & seems an obvious choice)
2. Visit Stockholm. I have been promising myself this for the past 2 years so better get organised.
3. Lose weight. I want to be wearing significantly smaller knickers for my birthday party
4. Arrange a kick ass party
5. Write a letter to myself
6. Spend a night in a hotel by myself
7. Drive on the motorway without fearing I'm going to die
8. Climb a mountain
9. Get something published
10. Do a yoga class
11. Learn to make profiteroles (choux pastry scares me)
12. Stop caring what other people think of me
13. Learn to walk in heels
14. Find a 100 movies to watch before you die list & make sure I've watched at least half of them (well I'm middle aged, I have another 40 years to see the rest)
15. Read the all books on my bookshelf
16. To learn to make caramel shortbread
17. To start writing letters again.
18. To start doing sit ups every day. (see no 3)
19. To start reviewing my photos, printing them off & organising them in photo albums (& make an album of my youngest daughter's 1st year as I did for my eldest)
20. To write something every day. (see no 9)
21. Learn to meditate
22. Accept a compliment
23. Sleep under the stars
24. Do an evening class
25. Employ a cleaner
26. Go to the theatre more
27. Buy a piece of art that I love
28. Get a decent pair of jeans that make my bum look great
29. Visit tourist attractions in London that I have never been to
30. Go dancing/ Pull an all-nighter (it's been a few years since I've done that)
31. Go & visit a psychic (they'll be expecting)
32. Cull my facebook friends list & have no guilt in doing so
33. Blog more regularly (see no 20, well maybe not every day)
34. Learn to like myself
35. To be able to fit back into the pelmet skirt I wore when I was 18 (see no 3) & then throw it away as I am too old to wear it!
36. I will buy a full length mirror for my house
37. Go ice skating & not cling on to the side
38. Try something new every week (food/ activity/outlook)
39. Swim in the sea.
40. ???
I am now truly stuck. Help please, I need suggestions, what do I NEED to do before September?
Monday, 18 February 2013
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
Claims to fame
Today at writing we were doing list exercises from this book, writing list poems.
I love the idea of this book, a diary consisting of lists. We were told to chose one & it took me forever to make a decision. I poured over it. I need to buy this and try to find the time to fill it all in.
I opted for Famous People I've encountered & came up with the following.
1. Paul McCartney squeezed past me in a crowded Green room. As he passed me he winked at me. Not my sister standing next to me. It was at me.
2. Richard Herring paid for my chicken korma & boiled rice when a group of us went out to eat. He emptied his pockets of change when I refused the £20 for my cab home but gave me all the shrapnel from his pockets
3. Gordan Ramsey, Michael Rosen, several Tory MPs & Paul from Big Brother 2 signed release forms for me
4. I spoke to Davina McColl to check that a fax I'd sent her husband to be had arrived at their house.
5. I queued for hours with my sister at HMV to get Buck Fizz's autographs
6. I fetched Armando Iannucci Yop from the BBC tea bar
7. I showed Germaine Greer the way to the loo and then heard her pee as I waited for her
8. I said hello to Yvette Fielding, mistaking her for someone I knew & then giggled in the lift for 5 floors when I realised who she was
9. Saw Miranda Hart across the BBC bar. Was too embarrassed & afraid that I'd morph into her character if I tried to approach her.
10. The bloke from Brookie who I bored senseless droning on & on about how much I loved Barry Grant. Knowing he was wishing he hadn't mentioned he'd been in Brookside but not being able to help myself.
11. Edd the duck who was a girl
12. Gordan the Gopher who was a man so shy he couldn't look me in the eye when he spoke to me
13. Wilson the Butler who was gorgeous & funny & apparently gay.
14. Countless people I ignored in reception at work being too cool for school
15. Terry Hall who no one in my office had heard of & then I felt about 100.
16. The girl from Press Gang, Kelda something, on the tube reading her book.
17. Bloke that used to be in The Bill drinking tea in my sister's kitchen.
18. Peter Duncan ran past me in a green & white suite when we went to watch The London Marathon
19. Nigella Lawson signing in at security. Beautiful & tiny. Like a doll.
20. Media scrum in NYC which had Madonna on the other side. I didn't even see her.
I've just started to compile a 40 things to do before I'm 40 list. I'd better get a wriggle on as I've only got until September. Any suggestions would be gratefully received xx
I realised tonight that this list is by no means exhaustive as just in my head I added Katie Price, Peter Andre, Nicky Campbell, Alastair Stewart, Kerry Katona, Andy Crane, Andi Peters, Simon Parkin (remember him?), Mick Brown at Capital FM & my sister's friend Vicky who has been in Eastenders (twice) who's pony, Mr Tweedy, I had a ride on when I was about 10.
I love the idea of this book, a diary consisting of lists. We were told to chose one & it took me forever to make a decision. I poured over it. I need to buy this and try to find the time to fill it all in.
I opted for Famous People I've encountered & came up with the following.
1. Paul McCartney squeezed past me in a crowded Green room. As he passed me he winked at me. Not my sister standing next to me. It was at me.
2. Richard Herring paid for my chicken korma & boiled rice when a group of us went out to eat. He emptied his pockets of change when I refused the £20 for my cab home but gave me all the shrapnel from his pockets
3. Gordan Ramsey, Michael Rosen, several Tory MPs & Paul from Big Brother 2 signed release forms for me
4. I spoke to Davina McColl to check that a fax I'd sent her husband to be had arrived at their house.
5. I queued for hours with my sister at HMV to get Buck Fizz's autographs
6. I fetched Armando Iannucci Yop from the BBC tea bar
7. I showed Germaine Greer the way to the loo and then heard her pee as I waited for her
8. I said hello to Yvette Fielding, mistaking her for someone I knew & then giggled in the lift for 5 floors when I realised who she was
9. Saw Miranda Hart across the BBC bar. Was too embarrassed & afraid that I'd morph into her character if I tried to approach her.
10. The bloke from Brookie who I bored senseless droning on & on about how much I loved Barry Grant. Knowing he was wishing he hadn't mentioned he'd been in Brookside but not being able to help myself.
11. Edd the duck who was a girl
12. Gordan the Gopher who was a man so shy he couldn't look me in the eye when he spoke to me
13. Wilson the Butler who was gorgeous & funny & apparently gay.
14. Countless people I ignored in reception at work being too cool for school
15. Terry Hall who no one in my office had heard of & then I felt about 100.
16. The girl from Press Gang, Kelda something, on the tube reading her book.
17. Bloke that used to be in The Bill drinking tea in my sister's kitchen.
18. Peter Duncan ran past me in a green & white suite when we went to watch The London Marathon
19. Nigella Lawson signing in at security. Beautiful & tiny. Like a doll.
20. Media scrum in NYC which had Madonna on the other side. I didn't even see her.
I've just started to compile a 40 things to do before I'm 40 list. I'd better get a wriggle on as I've only got until September. Any suggestions would be gratefully received xx
I realised tonight that this list is by no means exhaustive as just in my head I added Katie Price, Peter Andre, Nicky Campbell, Alastair Stewart, Kerry Katona, Andy Crane, Andi Peters, Simon Parkin (remember him?), Mick Brown at Capital FM & my sister's friend Vicky who has been in Eastenders (twice) who's pony, Mr Tweedy, I had a ride on when I was about 10.
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Rolling in the Deep
I heard this on the radio the other morning and it reminded me how much I love it. I know this album has been flogged to death on radio playlists but that's hardly Adele's fault.
Someone Like You can still make me cry. Rolling in the Deep was the first single from 21 and I remember the 'yay she's back' feeling when I first heard it.
I remember Mr D asking me what this song was about and I couldn't believe he couldn't tell just by listening. It is so obvious about a boyfriend who sold a story about her.
There's a fire starting
in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
and it's bring me out the dark
Finally I can see you
crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out
and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I'll leave, with
every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things
that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the
dark
Unless you live in a cave you everyone knows that this album was written by Adele about an ex boyfriend and I guess the album shows the many emotions experienced during heartbreak. You are sad & desperate and then extremely pissed off. This song is about the moment when you stop wishing you were dead and start wishing they were.
I love Adele. I love her attitude, that she doesn't put on airs & graces. Loved her speech at the Golden Globes last week where she said her & her friend were new mums and just gone for a night out.
I want to be her friend, I think we'd get on.
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
waiting for news
My mum has her appointment with the consultant today and will be getting the results of her biopsies. She insisted going on her own, despite protestations from my sisters & me, she wanted to go alone she said she is better dealing with things on her own. The appointment was at 3pm and still no word. I guess no news is...not good news but, no news.
I can't stand the waiting. I am not a very patient person, I get this from my mother. I remember being out shopping with her, she pressed the button for the lift and when it didn't arrive immediately she exclaimed 'Oh for gods sake!' (it had been approximately 10 seconds)
The waiting is killing me. I cannot concentrate on anything today. Luckily or maybe not so luckily today is my day off & the writing group I should have been at this morning I couldn't go to as my biggest girl is off sick (running hot, headache, your standard cold really - as an aside I can't believe I let her have a day off with a cold, I literally had to be half dead to get a day of sick when I was younger. My mum would feel my head, and state without even looking at me 'You're not running a temperature'. This has stayed with me as even as an adult I would feel like death warmed up but would be saying to my colleagues 'Am I hot? Am I running a temperature?' needing a 'grown up' to tell me to go home if I were ill.)
Over the past week I have desperately tried to avoid crossing any bridges (a favourite occupation of my mum & sister's). We must not get ahead of ourselves has been my mantra. My mum has been really worrying about whether she will lose her hair - her worst nightmare - but, as I keep saying we don't know what we're dealing with yet. She didn't need chemotherapy last time, she may not need it now.
Talking to a friend earlier I was trying to explain how I feel about it all. The not knowing is the worst bit. I know that when we know what we're dealing with we can get on with it. We can make practical plans and put things into action. That is the eye of the storm. The waiting beforehand and the fallout afterwards are far worse as you are dreading the worst & when you fall apart a bit as you realise what you've just been through. But somewhere in the middle when you're just getting on with things is calmer. At the moment I know the storm is coming I just don't know when it is going to hit
I can't stand the waiting. I am not a very patient person, I get this from my mother. I remember being out shopping with her, she pressed the button for the lift and when it didn't arrive immediately she exclaimed 'Oh for gods sake!' (it had been approximately 10 seconds)
The waiting is killing me. I cannot concentrate on anything today. Luckily or maybe not so luckily today is my day off & the writing group I should have been at this morning I couldn't go to as my biggest girl is off sick (running hot, headache, your standard cold really - as an aside I can't believe I let her have a day off with a cold, I literally had to be half dead to get a day of sick when I was younger. My mum would feel my head, and state without even looking at me 'You're not running a temperature'. This has stayed with me as even as an adult I would feel like death warmed up but would be saying to my colleagues 'Am I hot? Am I running a temperature?' needing a 'grown up' to tell me to go home if I were ill.)
Over the past week I have desperately tried to avoid crossing any bridges (a favourite occupation of my mum & sister's). We must not get ahead of ourselves has been my mantra. My mum has been really worrying about whether she will lose her hair - her worst nightmare - but, as I keep saying we don't know what we're dealing with yet. She didn't need chemotherapy last time, she may not need it now.
Talking to a friend earlier I was trying to explain how I feel about it all. The not knowing is the worst bit. I know that when we know what we're dealing with we can get on with it. We can make practical plans and put things into action. That is the eye of the storm. The waiting beforehand and the fallout afterwards are far worse as you are dreading the worst & when you fall apart a bit as you realise what you've just been through. But somewhere in the middle when you're just getting on with things is calmer. At the moment I know the storm is coming I just don't know when it is going to hit
Friday, 18 January 2013
Tonight we're not young
After writing last week about reliving my youth I was just watched the video for 'We are Young' again. I love the song but hate the fact that the first half of the promo is like a phone ad though. I can't help staring at the lead singer's mouth. I do love a man in a DJ. Hmmnnn...
Sorry, where was I?
Ah yes I found this on YouTube. Being that last weekend I drove Mr D crazy singing this song and by Sunday in my jaded state I had changed it to 'We Aren't Young' it made me laugh.
Sorry, where was I?
Ah yes I found this on YouTube. Being that last weekend I drove Mr D crazy singing this song and by Sunday in my jaded state I had changed it to 'We Aren't Young' it made me laugh.
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Trying to practice what I preach
3 years ago my mum called me when I was at a playgroup with my youngest girl to tell me that on her routine mammogram they had found some abnormalities. It seemed to come completely out of the blue. Yes there was a history of breast cancer in the family and yes she has yearly screening but this blindsided me.
I had a moment like Roy Schneider on the beach in Jaws where my world fell away from me. A lovely lovely lady from the church running the playgroup who I didn't know came up to me and put her arm around me and talked. Believe it or not I find it incredibly hard to talk about my feelings but this lady really helped me at a desperate time.
She had to have a biopsy & we found out for definite that it was cancer on Christmas Eve that year (which seemed the cruelest thing of all) and mum had her op in early January. Followed by radium treatment and medication. So far so good. All found and dealt with in a straightforward way.
But this afternoon Mum called again. She had her 6th monthly mammogram today and they've found a lump. She has to go and have a scan tomorrow to try & work out what it is. I've been knocked for six again. I never do see these things coming do I?
I'm trying so hard not to worry. To cross that bridge when I get to it. To not stress until I know there is something to stress about but I am finding it so hard tonight.
Please let this be OK. Please let her be all right.
I had a moment like Roy Schneider on the beach in Jaws where my world fell away from me. A lovely lovely lady from the church running the playgroup who I didn't know came up to me and put her arm around me and talked. Believe it or not I find it incredibly hard to talk about my feelings but this lady really helped me at a desperate time.
She had to have a biopsy & we found out for definite that it was cancer on Christmas Eve that year (which seemed the cruelest thing of all) and mum had her op in early January. Followed by radium treatment and medication. So far so good. All found and dealt with in a straightforward way.
But this afternoon Mum called again. She had her 6th monthly mammogram today and they've found a lump. She has to go and have a scan tomorrow to try & work out what it is. I've been knocked for six again. I never do see these things coming do I?
I'm trying so hard not to worry. To cross that bridge when I get to it. To not stress until I know there is something to stress about but I am finding it so hard tonight.
Please let this be OK. Please let her be all right.
Saturday, 12 January 2013
Reliving my youth
Later this afternoon me, Mr D & our offspring are going to visit some friends. It's been ages even though they're only just over an hour away life just gets in the way.
I went to university with this couple (& so this year I have known them for 20 years- yikes). Along with another couple from uni we formed a group of 6 who hung out a lot in our 20s & early 30s. My friend's brother once remarked that we were like Friends (albeit hanging out in the pub not a coffee shop).
Good friends who know each other inside out. I know that if I ever need them they would be there for me. We have a whole wealth of shared experiences pre & post marriage & children, a short hand with each other. We know where each other are coming from. We are comfortable and can take the piss out of each other (& have the piss taken) without offense being meant or taken.
Anyway, tonight the 6 of us are getting together for the first time in forever, drinking, having dinner (probably very late as our hostess is the most fantastic cook but the worst time keeper) & having a laugh. Tonight we will be transported back to a time where we were care & responsibility free.
Tonight we will be young.
I went to university with this couple (& so this year I have known them for 20 years- yikes). Along with another couple from uni we formed a group of 6 who hung out a lot in our 20s & early 30s. My friend's brother once remarked that we were like Friends (albeit hanging out in the pub not a coffee shop).
Good friends who know each other inside out. I know that if I ever need them they would be there for me. We have a whole wealth of shared experiences pre & post marriage & children, a short hand with each other. We know where each other are coming from. We are comfortable and can take the piss out of each other (& have the piss taken) without offense being meant or taken.
Anyway, tonight the 6 of us are getting together for the first time in forever, drinking, having dinner (probably very late as our hostess is the most fantastic cook but the worst time keeper) & having a laugh. Tonight we will be transported back to a time where we were care & responsibility free.
Tonight we will be young.
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