Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Breaking down

 
 
 
 
 
I love this song.  I can listen to it over and over again.

The drums seem almost tribal.  They draw me in from the very beginning.    The slightly out of tune synthesiser reminds me of the Human League.  There is something so familiar about this tune, listening to it I feel like I'm home.  And then Flo starts to sing and it's like she can see into my soul.  Such a beautiful mix of anthemic uplifting music and bitter sweet lyrics.


All alone it was always there you see
And even on my own
It was always standing next to me
I can see it coming from the edge of the room
Creeping in the streetlight holding my hand in the pale gloom
Can you see it coming now?


This emotional blackness I understand, I recognise it.  It is there in the wings, sitting in your peripheral vision waiting to swoop in.

I would never class myself as having had depression but like many people I have had spells under a cloud
 

Even the Flumps have had those kind of days


 
During my teens I had black days (yes of course it comes with the territory of adolescence), but I could never articulate my feelings even when I reached my 20's.  Problems were kept to myself, swallowed down and then at some point things would implode.  I'd cry for days, words of explanation would form on my lips but would never make it out of my mouth.  I'd curl up, wanting to disappear.  I'm still not the greatest at articulating my feelings and worries but therapy did help and gave me the vocabulary to talk about things.

When I listen to 'Breaking Down' I know what Florence Welsh is feeling, I know.  The song makes me want to cry and smile at the same time.




 


Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Doubt.

At present in my writing group we are doing a block on life writing.  This is fairly enjoyable, although can be hard as you're digging deep and last week it was like therapy.  I ended up in tears in the middle of my favourite cafe revealing quite personal thoughts and feelings.  I suppose it can only be good.  Things have to come out. It's just so strange talking about who my readers might be and what style to write it in.  It's just me.  My life.  My shit. Am beginning to doubt that anyone would want to read my stuff. 
Pushing negativity aside, the concept of anyone reading what I have to say is fairly alien to me.  But then again the stats on this blog suggest it's been viewed well over 4000 times (& that definitely isn't just me), so I guess someone is interested in what I have to say.
Just need to stop doubting myself and just write.