The letters I never sent

At the weekend we were sorting out the loft & I came across an old hat box of letters.  Thinking they might have some thing in them to spark my creative writing I settled down on Sunday and started to read.  There was much in there, from old friends and lost friends.  Letters from my husband and from ex boyfriends. 

Among them I found several letters which were to one person in particular, in which I have ever so articulately laid out my feelings, but hadn't been brave enough to actually send them to him. 

It's funny reading these with the luxury of hindsight, knowing exactly what was going to unfold next.  My mood varies in each from begging to apology and then absolute bloody rage. 

When I read the letters I feel so sad for that girl, the girl who is apologising.  I know this story too well and how it will end.  I want to put my arms around her and tell her it is OK, and she's not a nutcase (despite the implication from the other party that her behaviour has been unreasonable). I also want to tell her that he really isn't worth it and that there is someone so much better, kinder, funnier and altogether more loving just around the corner.

And I was absolutely right as all of these letters have been great starting points for my writing.  The three letters alone I have worked into 'found' poems.  I am working up an idea for a short story & also I have got this blog post out of it.

Re-reading the poems I have worked on it struck me as somewhat ironic as the man in question once talked scathingly about an ex of his who owned cats & wrote poetry.  Obviously he is a great muse for poetry then. ;)